Short Monologues and Plays

Do What Pirates Do 

A Gratuitous Cat Photo Bella Basura 2016

A Gratuitous Cat Photo
Bella Basura
2016

“Yohoho and a bottle of grog, me hearties” Enunciated Jonny Depp in pure mid-Atlantic Mockney, arguably the worst pirate accent in Hollywood. Amber rolled her eyes, inwardly.

He stood, elaborately piratical with black eye-liner, leather tricorn hat and sailor tattoos. His eyes gleamed intensely beneath his kiss-me-quick seaside rasta wig, he twirled his waxed moustache.

“Shiver me timbers, mi’lud, don’t send me down to the stripey hole. For I am a Pirate of the Cariby-anne and must do what Pirates do – robbery on the high seas, rape pillage cattle rustling and the smuggling of small domestic dogs into ecologically-sensitive Antipodean Continents.

Amber held up her hand. “You need to take this seriously, Jonny. Please just read the statement they wrote for us”

Jonny throws his cutlass to the floor in a fit of pique and reads the apology in a contemptuous sing-song voice “Australia is a wonderful blahblah Island with a blahblah treasure trove of unique plants, animals and blahblah…”

Bella Basura
July 2016

Written specially for the Cambridge Storytellers nautically themed Story Round.
Hosted by Marion Leeper – The First Bard of Cambridge.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s