Uncanny Experiences at the Temple of JobCentre

I recently had the opportunity, as part of my research project into Modern-day religious Cults, to speak face to face with some real-life self-confessed Godseekers – minority extremist adherents to the so-called Cult of St. Giro, tireless worshippers of Constructive Slackerdom. Further discussion of this pernicious sect is examined in my essay – The Truth About The Cult of St. Giro, printed in CamFIN Summer issue ’98.

While speaking to these Gironic Seekers I found some strikingly recurrent themes present in their many anecdotes. The confession extracted below contains many of these repeated varying forms. In this sense I construe that these themes embody a deep spiritual truth to the GodSeeker, which find expression in quite complex  and bafflingly convoluted mythic parables.
This particular example below was orally transmitted to me by a young adept of the GodSeeker Cult, which meet and worship according to the phases of the moon in the Temple of The JobCentre. My source wished herself only to be known by her religious name – “Sister Jane or Jean, is it? Whozzaname.”

“The experienced the uncanny after I had some fore-cranial surgery for repetitive dental extrusions, resulting in me having to sign off sick for a while. When I returned to my normal occupation, I, of course, attended the Temple Of JobCentre to seek advice from the Client Advisors. It was the 3rd of November, 1998.
The Client Advisor was very helpful to me, perceiving that I was still in a mildly convalescent state, he advised me in low tones, frequently reassuring me  “Don’t worry” he chirped “Your claim is fine” He laughed, then “Ha ha Happy anniversary” he chuckled
“Sorry?” I said
“You’ve been signing on exactly a year today” He scrolled backwards through my computerised Microsoft-compatible file. His laughter faltered “now that’s strange” he had trouble maintaining his affable grin “It seems from our files that you began signing on the 3rd of November 1996 too.”
He looked baffled, brow-beetled, as if he’d seen something so mind-bogglingly transcendental that it shut down the normal functions of his nervous system.
Quickly he mouse-clicked to a different screen, regained his composure and signed me, he intoned the Holy Bullshit Mantra in a most preoccupied manner. But then of course, when I thought about it, he was right. I had begun signing on the 3rd of November for at least three years in a row. Quite inadvertently.”

This anecdote is typical of the story of the recurring Mythic Dole-Date, which can be summarised thus:
The GodSeeker is compelled by circumstances beyond their control to Start A New Claim – this is a repeatable vow of self-sacrifice to the will of the God St. Giro, equivalent to entering holy orders in more conventional cults. When they attend the First Holy Sign-On they and the Servants of the Temple – Client Advisors, are confronted by some repeated number, symbol or date for which there is no logical explanation, both the Seeker and the Advisor are baffled by the consistency of the co-incidences.
Other variations on this parable are: Temporary contracts which are terminated suddenly two days before christmas, when typically  the Temple of JobCentre has closed till after the new year. Also the frequent and inexplicable recurrence of the number 3 or 11 are found in such myths.
I have asked several real-life GodSeekers who related such myths to me to explain what this parable may be teaching them. The commonest answer could be paraphrased

“St Giro is revealed to those who would wait”

As yet I have very little in the way of conclusions to this research, and comments are, as always, welcome.

Bella Basura
1999

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